


Working out a Balance

by mychemicalliteratureclub



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Astronomy, Cooking, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Meteorstuck, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, inbetweeny romance shenanigans, is apparently the tag that people use for this, its gay ok, would you look at that i did researchsss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mychemicalliteratureclub/pseuds/mychemicalliteratureclub
Summary: A whole lot of vaguely linked short pieces detailing the romance? whatever the fuck? crush? squish? honestly this is just me projecting my preferred relationship dynamics lol. I've tried to keep the characters voices as much as possible but tweak them to make it more original now and then.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	1. Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> oh no its not canon how terrible.  
> actually i wish it could be but i aint poring through the wiki for 4 hours for all the details.  
> i wrote this whole thing in maybe three hours as a stress exercise and removing all the typos and editing took roughly the same amount of time.  
> so its a little inventive. and i didnt have internet at the time so i worked from memory.  
> and i hope whoever finds it enjoys it because honestly i fucking do this is one of my favourite ships i could just. sit and take in its nuances.

hey  
hey karkat

WHAT

wanna come to the inauguration of the can town mortuary

NO. WHY WOULD WE NEED A MORTUARY. DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK CANS CAN DIE.

karkat the mayor's there  
hes waiting for you  
hes gonna be so fucking disappointed if you dont show up

DAVE

have i mentioned how cool the mayor is.

DAVE

i dont think ive mentioned how cool the mayor is  
ive been stuck on a meteor with him for what  
like three weeks now  
which is what  
like twenty one days  
five hundred and forty hours  
and i literally cannot express the weight he holds in my life

DAVE GET OFF OF MY KEYBOARD IM BUSY

shit be intense you know what im saying  
shit be epic-length medieval-poetry-ass attachment  
if it was too sunny i would actually  
i cant believe im saying this  
give him my sunglasses

...

not that hed need them  
what with his dope-ass apocalypse bandages  
what an icon

DAVE I CANT TAKE ANY MORE OF YOUR BULLSHIT TODAY. GET OUT OF THE WAY OF MY SCREEN.

i have no idea what ive said that could possibly be misconstrued as bullshit  
but i will in fact move temporarily because i cant actually see what youre doing from this position  
and im sort of curious

YOURE NOT MOVING

yeah cause on second thoughts i can just guess. youre fucking arguing with yourself again

WHETHER I AM OR NOT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  
IT IS, IN THE MOST LITERAL SENSE POSSIBLE, MY BUSINESS.  
WITH MYSELF.  
PERSONALLY.

well.  
if you say so

ARE YOU GOING TO MOVE

hmm  
i dont know im sort of comfortable here  
like i was definitely hyped for the mortuary but i think it needs  
a touch of karkatian pissy scepticism to really complete the event  
so i can wait

I WILL BITE YOU IF YOU DONT GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW

i can wait all day

WE DONT HAVE DAYS.WERE ON A FUXKING ASTEROID TRAVELLING THROUGH A BLACK VOID WE HAVE NEITHER HUMAN NOR TROLL 'DAYS'

ill cross that bridge when i come to it

EXCEPT THAT YOU CANT BECAUSE ITS NOT A BRIDGE. AND BECAUSE THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. YOU LITERALLY CANT SAY IT.  
ON ANOTHER NOTE CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE THESE MORONIC ARGUMENTS WITH YOU.

im gonna take a wild shot in the dark  
and say its because youre objectively a moron  
i mean think about it

NO. ALSO YOU CANT JUST DESCRIBE YOUR OPINIONS AS OBJECTIVE IT DOES NOT ALTER THEIR STATUS.

yes but if you think about it.  
objectively, you have arguments that are more moronic with your very own self. youre literally having one as we speak. via your keyboard which im mostly sitting on. either that, or you know, copping a feel.  
like  
its a little ambiguous to be honest, dude.

THEN GET OFF MY FUCKING KEYBOARD.

okay but objectively, i raise the intellectual bar.

I WILL BITE YOU

see i would be threatened, vantas.  
oh my god im not calling you vantas again what a fuxking diaastrous experiment  
i would be threatened because sure you have sharp teeth  
but youre really fuxking useless at getting them into anything but my cape  
which  
you know  
doesnt actually hurt me  
except maybe a little bit  
psychologically  
to see a cherished friend sinking to such depths  
in order to continue a banal and irrational rant on a forum populated solely by himself.

DAVE, TELL ME  
HOW DO YOU TALK SO MUCH. ALL THE TIME. ABOUT EVERY CONCEIVABLE TOPIC. AND MAINTAIN THE SAME LEVEL OF INFURIATING SMARMINESS. I GENUINELY CANT BELIEVE YOU HAVE YOUR MOUTH OPEN SO MUCH OF THE TIME AND LITERALLY NOTHING COMES OUT OF IT BUT IRONIC JIBES AMD SNIDE HUMAN FUCKWITTERY.

ahh the answer to that one is natural talent  
and a judicious amount of practice  
but mostly just my inherent awesomeness.

IM SURE. OH GOD.  
ME FROM TWENTY MINUTES AGO WAS SUCH A CRETIN  
HE WAS SO FUCKING NAIVE

...

WHAT

i was talking to you twenty minutes ago  
there was literally not even the slightest difference

THERE DEFINITELY WAS. YOU DONT KNOW HOW FU KING DUMB HE WAS BECAUSE YOURE NOT TALKING TO HIM. IM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO MEET ME THEN.

...

WHAT.

so  
have you ever considered maybe  
not ruining your own day across the entire temporal spectrum by antagonising your future and past selves?  
i mean its just a thought

OF COURSE I HAVE  
DO YOU THINK ID SPEND SO MUCH OF MY TIME ON THIS FORSAKEN METEORITE BEATING MYSELF WITH THE STICK OF MY OWN IGNORANCE IF IT WASNT COMPLETELY NECESSARY  
TO FULFIL THE WEIRD PLOT SHIT

true true  
the weird plot shit does need configuring in mysterious and totally fuxking pointless ways  
like ive hung out with enough future daves to understand that part  
but are you sure  
that this prolonged self hate fest isnt  
you know  
a kickmeter thingummy?  
one of those black romance quarters you love screwing yourself over with seemingly perpetually.

WHAT  
NO  
NO NO NO NO NO  
GENUINELY NO.  
I KNOW YOU ENJOY RIDICULING OUR ADVANCED CULTURE WITH YOUR CONSTANT BASELESS COMPARISONS.  
BUT THAT ISNT EVEN AN IRONY THING ITS JUST  
DEEPLY INAPPROPRIATE IN AN ASSORTMENT OF TERRIBLE WAYS  
AS WELL AS IMPOSSIBLE

not completely impossible

YES COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE.

not for a knight of time  
like for example myself  
yours truly

NO. NO. NO.

the actual genuine god tier knight ofntime  
would you look at these pyjamas these are the real god tier shit  
get up to all sorts of mad time shenanigans in these bad boys.

DAVE I FORMALLY FORBID YOU TO.  
EVEN IF IM NOT THE RECOGNISED LEADER ANYMORE OR WHATEVER.  
I AM COMMANDING YOU, HERE AND NOW  
TO NEVER BRING ME WITHIN A FUCMING METER  
OR FUCKING MILLISECOND  
OF MYSELF IN THE PAST OR FUTURE.  
CAUSE IF YOU DID  
IF YOU DID  
I WOULD GET. SO. MAD.

boy howdy thats a threat

...

ok dont worry i know youre serious karkat.  
actually im getting pretty decent at reading your mood these days.  
its fascinating there are so mamy nuances and degrees of angry.  
i dont even think its a troll thing i think youre just wonderfully unique.

THANKS.  
I GUESS.

no problem. i will never bring about a meeting between two unwilling karkats.  
however indisputably hilarious it would definitely be.  
so you have my word.

I DO?

probably.  
hey hey hey i meant definitely let go of my cape.  
truce karkat truce.

FOR NOW.

cool cool. cool. so are you finished arguing with yourself?

I DOUBT IT. MYSELF NEEDS A FUCKING UNREASONABLE AMOUNT OF BROWBEATING ALMOST CONSTANTLY. HOWEVER THE FORUM IS CURRENTLY EMPTY BECAUSE BOTH PAST AND FUTURE ME BANNED THEMSELVES FROM RESPONDING.  
COWARDS.

totally. i cant stand past and future you. all my homies hate past and future karkat.  
but would present karkat  
maybe want to come and  
i dont know  
inaugurate a mortuary  
in say  
can town  
along with the mayor  
of said can town

...

hey is that enthusiasm im detecting  
is that a smile  
this is just an observation  
but youre incredibly bad at hiding your smile karkat.  
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_


	2. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey what the title says

HEY DAVE  
HEY  
HEY DAVE PSST

im sorry what  
sorry what the fuck  
karkat its fuxking  
its  
what time is it

FOUR IN THE MORNING. F.A.T.

yeah fake asteroid time huh  
i cant believe i thought that joke was going to age well. what sort of idiot comes up with a dumb name for something two months into a thirty six month voyage.

WHAT JOKE. WHATS THE JOKE.

and the worst part is only rose knows its a joke and she wont acknowledge it.  
and i cant explain it without making myself from two months ago out as an asshole.  
which i guess he was.  
but theres also the entirety of human civilisation amd history that enabled that asshole.  
and it would feel fairly underhanded to start dishing out the dirt on a dead civilisation.  
like imagine your aunt dies  
amd you go right on ahead and cosy up to your cousins like  
man her breath really stank  
like big if true.  
but not really appropriate

DAVE.  
YOU LOST ME ABOUT TWO WORDS IN BUT YEAH PAST YOU WAS AN ASSHOLE.

hey

DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY PAST SELVES JUST ARE. ASSHOLES. ITS A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT.

uh. thanks, then.

YOURE NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN THE JOKE?

nope. dont worry your pretty little head about it.  
but how about this though  
explain to me instead.  
what the fuck you woke me up for

KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN DAVE.  
YOULL WAKE SOMEBODY UP

karkat my very good friend  
i do not as of right fucking now possess the mental energy to underline how brutally ironic you saying that is in any context whatsoever  
so hows about you just  
explain to me what you think youre doing  
absolutely destroying my fake sleep schedule like this.

YES I WILL. HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIEW.

oh god.  
'the view' was my other bad joke karkat  
and if i remember right  
and i do.  
it stopped being funny just about exactly five days into this trip.  
like its just black  
its not even a roiling blackness or a murky blackness or that stripey starwars bullshit

STAR WARS?

understand the reference, you wouldnt.

NOT IF YOU NEVER EXPLAIN IT TO ME I WONT

yeah anyway point is what fucking view.  
and also why fucking now  
in fact you know what im not going to try and listen to your explanation im going back to sleep.

RIGHT NOW BECAUSE RIGHT NOW EVERYBODY ELSE IS ASLEEP  
THE ASTEROID IS COMPLETELY QUIET  
TRUST ME ITS WORTH IT.

mmf mfmff 'quiet' fmmfm

WHAT.

mmfmfmm mm. mmmf.

DAVE I CANT HEAR YOU  
YOURE TALKING SARCASTICALLY INTO A PILLOW.

okay fine.  
you get twenty seconds of non pillow talk  
oh fuck no i mean like  
you know what never mind.  
just give me like.  
i dont know  
some semblance of motivation for going out in the fucking perpetually cold and dark night with an irritable alien to stare up at some blank-ass fucking nothingness.

OK.  
YOU KNOW THAT EXTRA WING YOU WANTED TO ADD TO THE MUSEUM?

the palaentology wing that you wont let me build?  
because of your miserly department of culture budget?  
yeah id say im intimately acquainted with that fucker  
reach for it every night in my dreams  
only to find myself held back by the tendrils of bureaucratic bullshit  
reactionary karkatian red tape  
tragically stifling my goddamn nascent genius for urban planning.

LEAVING ASIDE YOUR BLATANT DISREGARD FOR THE REGULATIONS DEVELOPED BY MY DEPARTMENT OF CULTURE THAT PREVENT CAN TOWN FROM DESCENDING INTO CULTURAL BLEAKNESS AND ANARCHY.  
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I GAVE IT THE HUMAN GREEN LIGHT.  
HYPOTHETICALLY.  
IN THEORY.  
MUCH AS IT WOULD PAIN ME.  
TO DISREGARD MY OWN PERFECTLY BALANCED BUDGET.

uhh...  
i guess id say  
uhh...  
not to put too fine a point on it but lets go see the fuck out of this  
fucking upstanding view that interests you so much.

GOOD. I KNEW YOUD BE REASONABLE SOONER OR LATER.

you know it  
they call me reasonable fucking dave strider  
director of fucking palaentological studies, MA, Esq.

YOURE GOING TO WEAR THOSE PYJAMAS OUTSIDE?

i am almost certainly going to be wearing these pyjamas for the remainder of whatever life i end up living, karkat.  
they have everything. cape, endless durability, badass as fuck.  
the bitemarks are a bit of a con but hey.  
really im sort of lucky to be blessed with the marks of such a personnage  
as his royal below-average-highness the nubs of departmental budgeting exceptions.  
so yeah. till i find something with this level of pure awesomeness, the cape stays on.

AND THE SUNGLASSES?

thats not even a question.  
@_@

YES THERES REALLY NO POINT IN DEBATING THAT POINT ANYMORE WITH YOU IS THERE. WERE MORE THAN TWO LIGHT YEARS AWAY FROM THE NEAREST SUN AND IN LIKE. COMPLETE. AND UTTER BLACKNESS AND YOU STILL THINK LOOKING LIKE A COOL DUDE IS WORTH TRIPPING OVER AN EMINENTLY VISIBLE OBJECT EVERY TWO MINUTES.

@_@

YEAH ANYWAY HERE WE ARE. YOU SEE IT?

yeah i see it.  
its wonderful karkat.  
i love the way its exactly what i said it would be  
namely, blank fuck-all  
how stunning right. how breathtaking.

WELL..

this view has just jacked a car battery to my universe appreciation cortex. that babys lighting up like a goddamn christmas tree  
im completely speechless and its not even only because im also completely tired as shit.

I MEAN..

can we go back now.

ITS NOT REALLY THE VIEW ITSELF

really. is that true.

YES. ITS MORE WHAT IT REPRESENTS. HEY, COME BACK, I HAVENT SIGNED YOUR MODIFICATION PERMIT YET HAVE I. NOR HAS THE MAYOR, BUT HELL COUNTERSIGN ANYTHING REALLY.  
BUT WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS  
WELL.YOU REMEMBER WHEN ROSE WAS TEACHING ME SOME OF YOUR HUMAN MATHS A WHILE BACK?

oh boy yeah.  
i was meaning to ask how you can be so gifted at mahs and then so phenomenally atrocious at programming.  
like the two are sort of mutually linked for most people  
but whatever.  
tell me about human maths o granter of permits.

YOU KNOW I CAN TELL WHEN YOURE BEING FACETIOUS.

i mean  
Id say you can tell about forty percent of the time honestly  
but dont let me stop you from trying

OK. SO. THE CONCEPT OF MATHEMATICAL PROBABILITY.  
ISNT REALLY EASY FOR TROLLS PHILOSOPHICALLY SPEAKING  
LIKE, YOUVE SEEN TEREZI WITH HER TWO HEADED DICE.  
AND VRISKA WITH HER 'LUCK'  
ITS MORE A GAMES THING. WE DONT CALCULATE PROBABILITIES IN REAL LIFE.  
SHIT EITHER DOESNT HAPPEN, OR IT DOES AND SHOULDNT HAVE.  
SO ROSE WAS TELLING ME FOR EXAMPLE ABOUT THE PROBABILITY OF LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS. ABOUT THE GOLDILOCKS ZONE.  
AND ITS TRAGIC ORIGIN STORY

tragic huh.

BUT LEAVING THAT ASIDE I THINK ITS  
WELL I THINK ITS AMAZING THAT HUMANS LOOKED OUT AT ALL THIS

all this fuck-all

NO, WHEN THERE ARE VISIBLE STARS THERE. YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT.  
BUT THAT THEY LOOKED OUT AND IMAGINED LIFE OUT THERE.  
AND THEN SAT DOWN AND CALCULATED THE ODDS  
WHICH WERE PHENOMENALLY AGAINST THE EXISTENCE OF LIFE ANYWHERE.  
LET ALONE ONE THAT COULD COMMUNICATE WITH HUMANS.  
AND THEY CHOSE TO KEEP HOPING ANYWAY.

yeah thats one way of looking at it.  
i mean mostly the people who got up to that sort of theorising shit were all conspiracy nutcases  
but here i am talking with a real live extraterrestrial.  
so hey  
nice work, nutcases.  
shame they're literally all dead.

TRUE. CONSPIRACY NUTCASE IS AN ELEGANT TITLE FOR WHAT MUST HAVE BEEN AN ESTEEMED PROFESSION.  
HONOURED BY ALL THE OTHER EARTH MATHEMATICIANS.  
BUT AT THE SAME TIME THEY MUST HAVE FELT  
SO VERY LONELY.  
SO DISTANT FROM THEIR OWN PLANET  
THAT THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SPEND THEIR LIVES SEARCHING  
SEARCHING THE STARS  
LISTENING TO RADIO STATIC  
WAITING FOR A SIGNAL.  
THAT IN THE END NEVER EVEN CAME.

...well.. shit.  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...

hey karkat  
you know the stars are beautiful tonight

..YOU HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING CEASELESSLY THAT YOU CANT SEE THEM. THIS IS YOU BEING FACETIOUS AGAIN.

heh..  
well.  
\--------------------------------  
\--------------------------------


	3. Baking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> asdfasdf at this point i've realised how crappy the formatting is im so sorry. i would colour coordinate it but its late at night ill look it up tomorrow. this chapter really centres around what i was craving on a long cold train journey.

hey.  
hey karkat genuine question  
what do you eat

SO ALL THE OTHER QUESTIONS YOUVE ASKED ME WITHOUT THIS PREFACE WERE INSIDIOUS AND NON-GENUINE QUESTIONS.  
ILL ADMIT IVE SUSPECTED THIS FOR SOME TIME.

dont be a goddamn pedantic about it karkat.  
just tell me.  
i literally never see you eating  
or any other troll really.  
like kanaya is obvious. shes a vampire. gamzee pretty much survived on that fizzy crap.  
the mayor is like. above eating or something, hes just too cool.  
yeah i know hes not a troll as well.  
but i have questions. answer them.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT THEM ANSWERED.

dont try and be ominous with me  
it isnt gonna work  
like whats the worst you can eat  
live animals  
other trolls  
live other trolls.  
its not a big list.

YES.

fuck off karkat  
be specific. which option are you saying yes to.

YES.

this is such a low level of humour  
id expect this from a  
i dont know whats a fucking young age in troll years  
sweeps  
seven-sweep-old humour  
you get me. immature shit. answer my question.

FINE. IN ONE OF THE SUB-LEVELS.  
WE HAVE A MEAT-BEAST. WHICH IS BASICALLY A LIVING CANCER. WE GO DOWN EVERY TWO WEEKS OR SO AND CARVE CHUNKS OFF OF IT. OCCASSIONALLY GRUB SAUCE IS INVOLVED.

huh.

ITS REALLY NOT THAT BIG OF A HUMAN DEAL.

'human deal'  
are you trying to sound stupid.  
like we have talked long and hard about how ridiculous prefacing things with 'human' is.

FINE.

but thanks anyway. it was actually a hell of mystery that i genuinely thought was a mystery and really needed solving.  
and damn if i didnt go and solve it. cracked the case wide open.  
i should be a detective as well as a knight.

YOU IRRITATED ME UNTIL I ANSWERED A SIMPLE QUESTION. I WOULDNT CALL THAT PARTICULARLY INNOVATIVE DETECTIVE WORK.

what can i say  
i play the man not the cards

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I HATE YOUR VOICE SO MUCH.  
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE WEIRD INQUIRIES.

yes actually  
do you like brownies

BROWNIES?

brownies. the human chocolate cake thing in little rectangles. with the nuts and the fucki g other stuff. the greatest gift of the whole fucling universe to humanity.  
and potentially trollanity.

I BELIEVE I AM FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT. YES, I COULD DIGEST THEM. BUT WHY WOULD I EVER CHOOSE TO. HUMAN FOOD IS PATENTLY ABSURD. YOU SPEND HOURS REDUCING A PILE OF APPETISING INGREDIENTS INTO AN UNIDENTIFIABLE BLOCK, AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO GET TO EAT IT ARE THE JUDGES. WHO INSULT YOU.

uhh.. i think you may have  
used a few too few sources for your thesis on the entirety of human cuisine karkat.  
nothing unremediable though you just need a little field experience

ALCHEMISING THEM

no  
cooking them. honestly i should have asked gamzee he would get brownies. you dont alchemise brownies karkat it would be like  
at least equivalent to if not above sacrilege  
you feel me

NOT AT ALL. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO COOK THEM ANYWAY. ON A METEOR WITH A FORTRESS ON IT.

we have a kitchen

OH YES. PERSONALLY I WOULD DESCRIBE IT MORE AS  
SOMETHING THAT USED TO BE A KITCHEN  
CIRCA: A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF SWEEP-DECADES BACK

aw dont be a spoilsport  
itll be perfectly serviceable with like  
a touch of  
hard work and ingenuity and a healthy amount of compromise.  
like its a treasure really. there are hardly even significant amounts of maggots in the flour.

WHEN I VISITED THE ROOM YOU CALL A KITCHEN IM PRETTY SURE THERE WAS NOTHING MY CRITERIA QUALIFIED AS FLOUR. VRISKA MADE ME DO AN INVENTORY. AND IM ALMOST CERTAIN. THAT THERE WAS NO FLOUR.

heh. well when i say 'flour'

AAH YES NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. WE'D BETTER ALCHEMISE THE FLOUR. AND THE REST OF THE INGREDIENTS REALLY.

neato burrito  
youre going to make them with me then.

I DIDNT CONFIRM THAT ACTUALLY

you sorta did though  
whats that  
oh youre completely sure thats neat karkat  
you go alchemise the ingredients ill get the mayor and well start excavating the kitchen of all the awesome shit thats been deposited there by all the experimental cooks of whatever species throughout the ages.

OK FINE. WHAT ARE THE INGREDIENTS. IVE NEVER MADE THEM BEFORE REMEMBER.

oh right so basically  
think cake ingredients. but like not for weaklings

THAT HELPS SO VERY LITTLE

ok more specifically you need flour, sugar, more sugar, butter, an unambiguously monatrous amount of chocolate, and eggs. and also sugar.  
rose and i worked oit the recipes a bit back, so youll have to ask her for the alchemy book. just be careful with the egg recipe cause honestly a lot of the time its just blood. just like.  
lots of blood.

I LOOK FORWARD TO IT

do you actually  
like seriously

NO. IM NOT A VAMPIRE REMEMBER. THATS KANAYA. 

but would you eat  
i dont know just to take an arbitrary example  
a human  
like i realise this is a little late to start asking these sort of questions but we havent really had time for them up till now huh

I DONT HAVE TO ANSWER YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS ALL DAY. YOU'RE ALREADY MAKING ME HELP YOU MAKE BROWNIES.

ah but you see thats the worst answer you could have given  
because you avoided the question  
and now im fucking on edge  
i am like full on nervous right now because as well as going off in secret to eat meat with the other trolls i just full-on asked you whether you would eat humans and you said im not going to answer that.

OK FINE THEN. NO I WOULD NOT FUCKING EAT YOU. YOURE FAR TOO BLOODY AND BONY AND ALSO IT WOULD RAISE UNCOMFORTABLE ETHICAL QUESTIONS. BECAUSE YOU CAN TALK AND ASK QUESTIONS AND THINGS.

ok thats a little better  
look my hands have stopped trembling  
just sufficiently  
for a fist bump.  
yes nice one. solid contact.  
they may be hope for a mutual existence after all

WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

i mean like  
for our species. dont misinterpret me. go off and alchemise that stuff already.

\----------------------  
\----------------------

karkat what took you so fucking long  
look we've already finished cleaning the kitchen

HUH. IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY LOOK TOO GODFORSAKEN AWFUL. ALL THINGS CONSIDERED.  
BUT WHY ARE YOU COMPLETELY FILTHY AND THE MAYOR JUST NORMAL FILTHY

oh yeah basically he directed the work  
and i uhh.. did the work  
i mean i dont think he understands the purpose of it all. does he even have a mouth  
who would fucking know  
what a mystery  
wrapped in a mystery. wrapped in a prodiguous amount of bandages.

I GUESS ITS ONLY FAIR. HE CANT REALLY GET HIS MAYORAL ROBES DIRTY CAN HE. OR RATHER MORE DIRTY THAN THEY GENERALLY ARE BECAUSE OF ALL THAT  
WHAT WAS IT, MAYOR?

  
OH YEAH THE TREKKING THROUGH THE DESERT AND MESSING AROUND WITH THE OLD ARTIFCATS. WHAT A LIFE. 

do you want to help us make brownies though  
your mayorness

  
oh right thats fair i guess hunting ghost mice is important too  
see you then

OH HES REALLY GOING  
OK LEAVE ME WITH DAVE THEN. WORST CASE SCENARIO I CHOKE TO DEATH ON HUMAN FOOD I SUPPOSE. I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A NOBLER DEATH BUT ILL TAKE IT.

wow you're so dramatic  
at least you can be sure that im not going to eat you. 

WE DONT NEED TO GET INTO THAT TOPIC AGAIN

see its remarks like that that make me think that we really do.   
you know to make sure that you aren't harbouring any remants of human-thirst.  
sorry it appears i just said the word human-thirst please forget that happened.   
where were we

BROWNIES.

yes yes excellent. brownies. no humans, just cake. good karkat.

DO YOU EVEN FUCKING WANT THE INGREDIENTS I BROUGHT OR ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP UP THIS RIDICULOUS CHARADE.  
IM A TROLL NOT A FUCKING MONSTER. I HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW.

huh  
i guess you're right actually.   
i was sort of being insensitive.   
do you  
think you can like  
forgive that of me.

YEAH. I MEAN  
IF I HELD GRUDGES EVERY TIME YOU SAID SOMETHING STUPID WE WOULD HARDLY STILL BE FRIENDS.  
SO YES. I WONT EAT YOU. YOU WILL CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

thanks.   
like seriously. also we've been friends for a while huh. the fuck did that even happen. 

ITS MYSTIFYING. IM SO LEVEL-HEADED AND NORMAL

or like short and irritable, you might say.

AND YOU'RE SO PRETENTIOUS AND AGGRAVATING

effortlessly cool and aloof, i hear you.

IT REALLY IS NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACLE

yeah i mean a good miracle whatever the final tally. 

YEAH. ITS ALRIGHT.

its up there.

ITS PRETTY GREAT

ok lets shut up im getting self-conscious. 

FUCKING WORD MY DUDE YOU WOULDNT WANT TO GET EMBARASSED IN FRONT OF YOUR BEST TROLL BUDDERINO

karkat actually close your mouth. dont fucking open it until its time to swallow mouthfuls of sugary brownie or i swear ill go back in time to last night and carve your horns into actual spirals.

\-----------------  
\--------------------  
HMM. THIS HAS AN INTERESTING TEXTURE.

do you fucking love it though. like give me your actual impression not your masterchef judge poker face.

WELL

well what. is good or is no good. mmf fuck its a good for me. oh god this is so sweet. its so sweet. its just sweet enough. im going to die a quick but painful death in the next thirty seconds.

I DONT REALLY FIND SUGAR AS APPEALING AS HUMANS SEEM TO. 

you could have like. told me that before karkat.   
like its sort of the main ingredient.

NO BUT ACTUALLY I LIKE IT. BUT FOR A DIFFERENT REASON

what reason

ITS A BIT WEIRD

i would make some witty analogy but i really dont have to.  
because literally any five minute section of either of our respective lives from the last few months could clock an eight on the human weirdness Richter scale. is it troll weird? cause i can deal with troll weird. i feel like only rose has shown herself better at dealing with troll weird than me and she's got an unfair advantage because she's dating a troll.

OK SO.  
ESSENTIALLY I LIKE IT BECAUSE I CAN FEEL YOU LIKING IT. YOUR ENJOYMENT RUBS OFF ON ME.

wait you're a fucking  
i didn't know you had psychic abilities too. i thought that was just sollux and vriska. and i dont know a couple of the weirder ones. this is sort of a big revelation karkat.

OH DONT OVERREACT. I DONT HAVE PSYCHIC ABILITIES IN ANY OF THE CONVENTIONAL TROLL WAYS. I JUST.  
UGH IT IS EMBARASSING. BUT I DONT GET CLOSE WITH TOO MANY PEOPLE. AND I SUPPOSE THAT MAYBE THIS IS A SIDE EFFECT.  
OF.  
YOU KNOW. SPENDING A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.

oh.   
well damn.   
i guess i'm sort of okay with that then. its

CAN I HAVE ANOTHER SLICE.

i was in the fucking middle of a sentence that was probably going to be something heartfelt and profound but okay. fair enough. im glad you like it anyway whatever your dubious  
latent psychic troll reasons for enjoying something as fucking simple as brownies.

YES I DO LIKE THEM. ALTHOUGH I WONDER IF THEY COULD BE..

no karkat get the fucking grub sauce out of here holy shit what is wrong with you  
oh my god

YOU SPILLED IT

no you fucking spilled it oh my good god. 

AT LEAST ITS ON THE BROWNIES. WE DIDNT WASTE ANY

urghhhhh.

I THINK IT STILL TASTES FINE

urghhhh.  
\------------------------------  
\------------------------------


	4. Spelunking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they get a little lost in the meteor. Which is sort of what the plot revolves around. Like meteors haha. I think. I fucking tried html but ao3 doesnt have a colour setting äää

_For his teeth seem for laughing round an apple_

_There lurk no claws behind his fingers supple_

_And God will grow no talons at his heels,_

_Nor antlers through the thickness of his curls._

_\--_ Wilfred Owen, **Arms and the Boy**

so karkat  
where do we go from here then

  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE  
YOURE LEADING ME ON THIS STUPID EXPEDITION  
I DIDNT WANT TO GO  
I JUST CAME ALONG BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT SHUT UP ABOUT THE STUPID HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER  
WHICH COME TO THINK OF I LITERALLY HAVENT SEEN OR HEARD OF EVER BEFORE

  
oh yeah obviously theres no hyper gravity chamber

  
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING  
I CANT TELL ANYMORE

  
theres no such thing as hyper gravity you adorable stooge  
whcih is honestly sorta lucky for you  
i mean how many times a day would you say you fall over in normal gravity  
like normal meteor gravity that is which is obviously a little different  
i guess its technically weaker  
or maybe our velocity makes a difference. who would fucking know. sollux maybe.  
but still it gets shit done  
as you know  
a basis of comparison

YOURE DRAWING ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE FACT  
THAT YOUVE GOT US BOTH FUCKING LOST IN THE CATACOMB BULLSHIT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE METEOR  
ON A QUEST FOR WHAT I NOW FIND OUT WAS A COMPLETELY SPURIOUS  
HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER  
TO REITERATE  
COMPLETELY FUCKING LOST

hey thats true and all  
although really what else were we going to get up to anyway  
but i thought it would be fun to explore around a bit  
i mean weve lived here for a solid while  
but who really knows whats in the middle of this kooky rock  
not me thats for fucking sure  
balls deep in meteor though i be  
its super fucking dark and im not taking off the @-@

AN ADMIRABLE EPITAPH FOR THE LAST SIX HOURS OF MY LIFE  
MY FEET ARE ON THE VERGE OF DEATH,  
MY THROAT TASTES LIKE VOMIT AND MY PATIENCE FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS HAS PASSED ON TO THE GREAT MEAT BEAST FIELDS OF THE HIGHER WORLD  
FROM WHERE IT GAXES DOWN ON US UNFORTUNATES WITH TRANQUILITY AND SATISFACTION AT A JOB LEFT FUCKING ABANDONED BARELY A QUARTER OF THE WAY THROUGH.

woah karkat no need to get unexpectedly metaphorical on me. i get you.  
do your feet actually hurt

YES THEY DO THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ASKING

cool cool no big deal then.  
just hop on my back.

ON YOUR BACK?

yeah im pretty sure thats what i just said.  
you see the cape thing youre always using as a makeshift tent or sharpening your claws on or whatever  
my back is somewhere near it

OK I WILL GO ALONG WITH THIS TERRIBLE PLAN BUT ONLY BECAUSE IM ON THE VERGE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK FOR THE NEXT MONTH. 

awesome to hear that my help is unwanted  
hup  
you comfortable?

I AM NOT COMPLETELY UNCOMFORTABLE. HEY WHY ARE YOU HOLDING ONTO MY LEGS

so you dont fall off stupid. dont kick me. keep still. ok thats better.  
can you see anything

BARELY  
BUT IM SURE IM SEEING A LOT MORE THAN YOU. THERE ARE TWO CORRIDORS UP AHEAD OF US AND

and

HUH. YOUR HAIR SMELLS STRANGE.

my hair is of no concern to you. which corridor should i take.

AND IT FEELS STRANGE AS WELL. LIKE A BRITTLE ROCK. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT.

pretty much nothing honestly. i wash it every month like a normal person

EVERY MONTH IS RIDICULOUSLY OFTEN TO WASH YOUR HAIR FOR A NORMAL PERSON. 

yeah because i should be listening to your hair styling tips. have you seen yourself recently.  
the only things pointing in the same direction on your head are your horns.

WAIT DAVE IS THIS TROLL SHAMPOO

i really dont know. does it matter  
like generally when take a shower i just grab whatever goopy shit smells the nicest and try not to get it in my mouth. and this particular goopy shit just smelled sorta nice.  
so it aint that complicated. anyway im pretty sure this is a wall which way should i turn.

UHH THIS WAY. BUT IT IS THAT COMPLICATED. HUMAN HAIR IS REALLY FUCKING DIFFERENT TO TROLL HAIR. WE DONT HAVE WEIRD STRANDS OF KERATIN WE HAVE NORMAL HAIR. USING TROLL SHAMPOO WILL PROBABLY FUCK YOU UP SLIGHTLY IN SOME AMBIGUOUS WAY.  
ALSO IF IM SMELLING IT RIGHT  
THIS IS MY SHAMPOO?  
HAHAHA YOU THOUGHT MY SHAMPOO SMELLED NICE? ALL OF THE OTHERS HATE IT THEY CANT STAND BRIMFLOWER ESSENCE.

aww shit. i dont really care for the process as i said. but it is gonna be hard to live down the fact that i chose your fucking signature scent to rub on my head.   
gonna need to take another shower real quick you know.  
soak my head in bleach a moment or two. 

REMIND ME TO WATCH IM SURE IT WILL BE AMUSING. BRIMFLOWER TAKES WEEKS TO RUB OFF NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. 

ahh.. fuck.

YEAH ITS PRETTY FUCKING HILARIOUS.   
OH BUT ANYWAY LOOK UP  
OR RATHER SQUINT OR WHATEVER YOU FLAVOURFUL DORK. ITS LIGHTER UP THERE. 

oh true i can hear vriska. she's really laying into rose huh. 

YEAH I THINK WERE SOMEWHERE UNDERNEATH THE CELLAR. YOU KNOW THAT TRAPDOOR WITH NO HANDLE ON IT I GUESS THATS ITS FOR.

neat. i love me a solved enigma now and then.   
hey but aside from your feet  
did you actually enjoy the walk  
like we had a pretty good time before you started complaining a bunch. and getting sort of justifiably suspicious about the existence of the hyper gravity chamber. 

YEAH IT WASNT TOO BAD. THANKS FOR BRINGING ME ALONG I GUESS.  
AND NOW I HAVE AN EXCELLENT PIECE OF INFORMATION TO IMPART TO TEREZI. HAHAHA YOU REALLY DID DECIDE TO BAPTISE YOURSELF IN BRIMFLOWER YOU COMPLETE DUNCE

i mean not to ruin your anticipation of an absolutely off the hook dave-roast with that seasoned connoisseur of dave-roasts that is our mutual friend terezi.  
but before we pop up through this second rate trap door like a pair of second rate highschool theater club shakespearean ghosts  
you might want to dial that particular enthusiasm down a notch or metaphorical two.  
like. the others have sort of been joking a lot about us recently. so it might.  
backfire on you if you catch my drift. 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN JOKING

well i figured you wouldn't have noticed. cause usually you dont. 

I AM EXTRAORDINARILY PERCEPTIVE WHEN I NEED TO BE

yeah totally. extraordinarily. but for instance that our esteemed colleague terezi. and i guess some of the others in a less direct manner. may have implied that  
well that we might be becoming  
like a thing. 

..LIKE A THING THING

..yeah. like a thing thing.

BUT THATS NOT REASONABLE OF THEM AT ALL. IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE. LIKE IT CAN BE DIFFERENT YOU KNOW. THATS..

hey chill you dont have to explain us to me karkat. we dont need a definition. were just that cool. were so cool

OK GOOD.   
SO I GUESS YOU GET YOUR WAY THEN. STEAL MY SHAMPOO TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT. JUST DONT COMPLAIN TO ME WHEN IT BREAKS YOUR HAIR. 

actually. i was thinking id alchemise myself some actual human shampoo. cause it is honestly a little uncomfortable right now. 

AMAZING. DAVE STRIDER LISTENING TO THE VOICE OF REASON WHO WOULD EVER HAVE THOUGHT IT.

okay but do you think it would be okay if i like. kept using your smell  
could you help me make it is what im saying. cause i dont know what brineflower essence is and you know.  
i dont see myself finding any soon what with your entire planet being dead. sorry.

YEAH THAT WOULD UH. YEAH THAT WOULD BE FINE. WOULD I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SHAMPOO TO AVOID DILUTING YOUR COOLNESS THOUGH. LIKE IM FINE WITH IT I GUESS. BUT ID LIKE TO KNOW IF IS THIS IN FACT A HOSTILE TAKEOVER THAT YOURE PERPETRATING. OF MY ADMITTEDLY NOT VERY POPULAR STYLE.

no if youre cool with it. i think id be okay with us smelling the same. 

YOU DONT CARE IF PEOPLE YOU KNOW

THINK WERE A COUPLE OR SOME BULLSHIT

IF WE ARE GONNA

THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO SAY

BUT IF WE ARE GOING TO SMELL THE SAME

nah they can think what they want. it couldnt possibly bother me.

...

DAVE. ARE YOUR CHEEKS RED. WHY ARE YOUR CHEEKS RED. IS THIS HUMAN BLUSHING.

blushing

no.

obviously not.

i never display emotion. perhaps i've been poisoned. like by the dust down here.

hey wait.  
are you darker grey than usual.

NO THATS YOUR STUPID SUNGLASSES. YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. YOU CAN SEE FUCK ALL. 

oh yeah these things. completely forgot.

LETS CLIMB UP ALREADY

you know it.   
...

oh hey vriska nice confiscated liquor. im guessing you and rose were having a rap battle. no wait a tea party. no wait comparing opinions on troll the bachelor. in fact i give up already. 

No, actually Rose and I were actually just discussing your nuptials. When are you planning to celebr8 your engagement?

OK THATS IT IM OUT

Oh noooooooo i've scared off Mr. Vantas. What a shame >::::D


	5. Doldrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quarantine references, kissing, sadness, cooking, domestic stuff. ive started on the epilogues so this is like two years on from the previous ones. i am going to resist the temptation to describe a first kiss because i really doubt my powers of description would do it justice. like it would be pretty awkward.

DAVE WHAT IS UP

think you mean sup

OK SURE LETS PRETEND I MEAN SUP

nothing much

I GOT THAT IMPRESSION. YOU HAVEN'T MOVED FROM THAT SPOT IN THE SIX HOURS IVE BEEN OUT

oh yeah true you went out didnt you. how's the mother grub. uhh..   
brooding.. or like whatever the fuck she does with the gross but miraculous slimey life nectar.

LARVAL JELLY. ALSO IM PRETTY SURE YOUR HAND WAS LITERALLY HOLDING THAT CUP IN THE SAME POSITION ON THE LOUNGE.  
YOU HAVENT MOVED. FOR SIX HOURS. DAVE.

shit that would explain why its so cramped up. youre actually so smart.

THAT DIDNT EVEN SOUND SARCASTIC. NOW IM ACTUALLY WORRIED. HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED? DID CROCKER FUCK SOMETHING UP WHILE I WAS GONE. 

no not just then. like obviously she's been constantly and tirelessly reinforcing xenophobic policies for the duration of her reign. i mean presidency jesus. but not in the last few hours as far as i'm aware.

OK SO ARE YOU ALRIGHT. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN

i mean  
im alright. mostly. 

DO YOU WANT TO TALK?

eh sorta not.  
in fact yeah. yeah actually. i wouldnt want to depress you though. so are you sure you want to listen.

OF FUCKING COURSE. YOURE MY BOYFRIEND.

hehe im your boyfriend. you sucker.

YES IT IS A TERRIBLE FATE. EVERY DAY THE NIGHTMARE DEEPENS. I FIND MYSELF WONDERING WHETHER I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND THE NOTION OF HAPPINESS AGAIN. BUT THEN AGAIN AT LEAST YOURE CUTE AS FUCK AND I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU.

aww thats sweet. youre cute as fuck too.   
now i sort of dont want to ruin that niceness by dumping my shitty brain's dirty laundry all over it. 

DAVE IF YOU DONT GET TO THE POINT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WERE GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THEN I WILL HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ALL OF THE THINGS THAT I USUALLY COMPLAIN ABOUT WHEN I COME BACK FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND YOULL HAVE TO SIT THAT OUT FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS.  
AND WHILE I RECOGNISE THAT YOU ENJOY MY VEHEMENT TIRADES BECAUSE YOURE MASOCHISTIC AND PERVERTED AND MENTALLY UNHINGED.  
WE ACTUALLY HAVE PLANS FOR THIS EVENING. 

oh yeah fuck we do. sorry.

YOU REALLY DONT NEED TO BE. NOW START TALKING.

ok so i   
ow that hurts

OH SORRY. IS THIS MORE COMFORTABLE

yeah thats good. i love your horns you know.  
just that also i prefer them not in between my ribs. 

MM. CONTINUE.

look i really dont know where to start. or where youd want me to start. but basically its about earth a.

EARTH A?

yeah. i guess i havent really had enough time to consider it like i might have when we were fucking around in sgrub. sburb. whatever. but it feels like every so often i just get dragged into a strange limbo where the fact that im from another planet hits me.   
and obviously its the same for you and for all the others.   
so i dont have anything new or original to complain about here. apart from maybe obama who nobody really understood like i did.

AHH YES OBAMA. REMEMBER WHEN JADE THOUGHT HE WAS FICTIONAL. THAT WAS THE FUCKING BEST. AHHAHAHAAHAH

man not this again karkat

AHAHAHAAAAAHA. OK FINE. I SHALL RESTRAIN MYSELF.

but then after that. ive been on so many worlds in between earth a and earth c. i mean here. like where we are now. why am i referring to it as earth c.   
and i have no lasting connection to any of them. ive never even tried to really. like i felt it for a while with our poltiical campaign a few years back.  
that i was contributing somehow to. show that i cared. but that didn't work out did it.  
and now with fucking university and the pandemic and lockdowns i feel like im just being shunted across time and space trailing broken strings of identity. doomed to never feel what it means to have a home, or a meaningful and close group of friends. 

WAIT WHAT. UNIVERSITY. PANDEMIC. WHAT.

oh sorry i have no idea where that came from. it feels like the narrator just got tired of fucking metaphors and dropped the filter thats supposed to make writing a subtle exercise in self expression and not a letter to the fucking editor. 

THATS TERRIBLY DISINGENUOUS COMING FROM THE AUTHOR OF SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF.  
BUT I SUPPOSE.  
DO YOU STILL FEEL LIKE FLYING OUT FOR THAT PICNIC THIS EVENING THEN

i mean i guess i should go outside.  
but i... i dont think i want to.

YEAH. I UNDERSTAND YOU. HOW ABOUT WE MAKE CAKE INSTEAD. 

ok that sounds a little better. what sort of cake.

BROWNIES? MAYBE? 

seems a bit repetitive.

WE CAN EXPERIMENT IF YOU WANT. ITS JUST WE USUALLY MAKE BROWNIES.

no youre right they would be good. but also have you ever made cinnamon rolls.

NO.

ok cinnamon rolls it is you lucky bastard. 

I AM THRILLED IN ADVANCE. 

too fucking right.   
but also.   
i dont want to be a drag but prepare to do most of the work. like i am really fucking tired for some reason. 

AT FOUR O CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON

yeah i dont know how to explain it. ive been awake for about sixty percent of the last eighteen years of my life you know. its fucking tiring.

OK THATS FINE. ILL DO THE ROLLING OR WHATEVER. YOU SET THE TIMER.   
NO WAIT YOU EXPLAINED THIS TO ME NORMAL COOKING IS DIFFERENT TO MASTERCHEF. YOU CAN LICK THE OVEN OR WHATEVER.

karkat i genuinely cant tell whether youre screwing with me right now. im that tired. but you know what i love you so if you say so i'll lick the oven. 

HEHEHE I WAS SCREWING WITH YOU. BUT ILL STOP IT. ITS NOT AS FUN WHEN YOURE COMPLETELY AT MY MERCY LIKE THIS

completely. at your mercy.

STOP FLIRTING WITH ME I NEED TO CONCENTRATE WHEN IM COOKING. TELL ME THE INGREDIENTS AND THEN PICK A DUMB MOVIE THAT WE CAN WATCH AND MAKE PRETENTIOUS ARTISTIC CRITICISMS OF.

ok sure that actually sounds like a good plan. im feeling a little more cheerful what the fuck.

WHAT ARE THE INGREDIENTS 

alright alright so. cinnamon obviously. flour, sugar,  
hey you cant kiss me when im talking thats rude.

BUT YOU LOOKED SO KISSABLE

thats a valid defence. i am always kissable. but youll have to wait like.  
...

or you could just not wait i guess. 

...

ok but seriously im actually hungry i havent eaten all day remember

YES OF COURSE SERIOUS TIME.

  
\----------------  
\----------------

hey these are really good karkat. fucking mmf.

THANKS. IT WAS ACTUALLY QUITE DIFFICULT TO MAKE THEM WITH YOUR GARBLED INSTRUCTIONS BUT I MANAGED

my instructions were garbled because you kept making out with me and getting flour on my shades you pitiless monster. 

LIKE I SAID IT WAS DIFFICULT BUT I MANAGED.

...

you know im actually happier now.

SO DID WRITING THIS SELF-INDULGENT FIC HELP YOU ALLEVIATE YOUR STUPID TEENAGE MOOD SWING THEN

yeah i guess it did. wait the fuck did i say that for. the fuck did you ask me that for. 

IM SORRY I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW THOSE WORDS CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH I WASNT EVEN THINKING ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING THEM. THAT WAS SO WEIRD.

oh man its the goddamn narrator again.

HOLY GRUB CAN THEY FUCK OFF. THIS IS OUR LIFE. 

ok fine i will then

HEY I SAID STOP YOU FUCKING CREEP.


End file.
